"half of my heart.."

Isn't this just how it is- we are half hearted in what we do many times, yet we can't admit it most of the time:/

A few lyrics from the artist John Mayer have stuck out in my mind as very real. He sings "Half of my heart has a grip on the situation,..." and then goes on to sing that half of it does not, as we too are often conflicted between our emotions and the truth.

Another song he sings "belief is the heaviest armor" and truthfully states that it is so, as we all believe something, and it truely affects us either strongly, or else we are mocked by it.

Does what you believe always show? If we say we believe we must live it wholeheartedly, as when not,we only hurt ourselves, the potential of the belief's of the world around us, and we just glide through life neither making a great difference nor exceeding our own expectations for what Christ has to offer.

It is sometimes hard for us to be in a country where we don't sing our own heart language at church, and are not uplifted the same way as a tongue which reaches the depths of your soul with just the right words to sweep out any lingering unnecessary objects of affection. You are not penetrated from the pulpit with sharp words which also knock down walls that should not be there, and you don't get the same face to face confrontation of discipleship that could come from someone who knows you well enough to pick apart your weakness and ask the hard questions.

So though not alone in the journey, it is a stretch and preparation for the times when we have to live with mostly the strength of Christ alone in our relationship. In this case it is easy to feel half hearted at times. But one of the most important things I've continued to learn, is that we do NOT go by what our heart in it's momentary affliction or selfish desires wants, as strong as it may be at times.

We must pray that half our hearts are not only involved when we set out to accomplish life, but the whole heart in it's entirety, as we will then make a greater difference in the world. We must be real before Christ and God our Father as we repent from our daily sins- He has forgiven yes, but we must be up front and know our place before His Holiness.

It's the people who are whole hearted that make a difference and stand out. Sometimes our weary bodies get in the way- and we can only do as much as they allow. Our tanks run low, our needs run high, and we just can't do it all- but if we can make it our aim to fight with vigor, our affect in this world will be much greater.